The Top Ten Reasons Why Sheep Are Better Than Women

By Henry F.


This page contains material that may be offensive to women, children, teenagers with bad skin who work in convenience stores, the anal retentive, people who habitually read cheap romance novels, people in a bad mood, the flatulent, the slow, the clueless and the humor-impared.
If you fall into one of these catagories, please go



10) Sheep really, honestly don't care about pizza breath. They will still go out in public with you, even if you have just eaten a white clam bacon and spinach pizza with triple garlic.

9) Sheep have one set of clothes. They never spend 2.78 hours trying on outfits just to play cards in, only to wear the combination they originally chose, except with a different scarf.

8) Sheep don't care if there are dishes in the sink. In fact, they don't even care if the mold in your kitchen has a name, a personality and a growth chart of it's own.

7) Sheep don't care if your favorite shirt has a little teensey tiny hole in the seam of the underarm where nobody should be looking anyway.

6) Sheep can't read maps either. But at least they won't bug you to ask for directions from some kid with bad skin behind a convenience store counter who looks as if he can't find his own way home from school.

5) Sheep don't care if you fart in the shower.

4) Sheep really mean it. They honestly don't care how much you earn or whether or not you vacuum your car regularly and they really don't mind it if your shirts aren't always ironed.

3) Sheep won't kick you if you snore.

2) Sheep don't understand football either. But they're willing to accept what they don't understand.

And, finally: the big one, the real one, the important one, the numero uno reason why sheep are better than women:

1) Sheep will mate with anybody. They don't care if you already have children and they aren't longing to have more. Sheep don't have a biological clock and they couldn't read it if they did. They don't care if you are a short fat computer geek with greasy hair, chronic periodontal disease, bad skin and ultra-thick glasses with out-of-fashion frames who couldn't carry a tune in a cast-iron bucket. With sheep, there are no contests, no complaining, no comparisons and no regrets.

Sheep don't read cheap romances. They aren't waiting for Charles Chesterworth III to step out of his red Alfa Romeo parked high atop the windy cliffs overlooking Ravenwood and sweep you into his strong, tanned, heavily-muscled arms and fix you with a piercing gaze from his wedgewood-blue eyes.

With sheep, real guys have a chance.

Remember: Loving sheep means you never have to say "I accept the settlement, your honor, and I agree to pay the alimony in full, and in a due and timely manner as stated herein by this court."

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