Ami's NewsletterNovember 1999Please Note: This newsletter was originally sent in November, 1999. It may not have improved with age. Information may be outdated and irrelevant, not to mention useless. It is here only for your enjoyment.
WELCOME Other news: I've received word that onelist.com and eGrougs.com will be merging. I don't think it will have any effect on the newsletter, so don't panic yet. I think things will pretty much stay the same. I'll let you know when to panic.
CHATTING Thanks to everyone who joined us at quiltropolis for the Everybody Chat session on November 2. It was so much fun, we're going to do it again soon. Stay tuned.
GHOST QUILTERS NEEDED I'll provide all the parts including thread, buttons, directions, sample, and words of encouragement. In addition to my undying gratitude and reimbursement of postage, I will give credit in the book to the little elves willing to help me, AND as remuneration I will create a quilter's mystery box of cool things especially for them. I mention that I am looking for TWO people only because I don't think there would be anyone insane enough to do both the buttonholes AND the buttons. But if you're that person, maybe I can talk you into some other mindless sewing too. If you're interested, e-mail me with the words INSANITY BUTTON PROJECT in the subject line by Thanksgiving and we'll see what we can work out. (Tell me buttons or holes or both!) Before being awarded this prestigious honor, you will need to send a sample of your prowess as a buttonhole maker/sewer so that I can evaluate your skills, and you will be sworn to secrecy regarding the project until the book comes out. But I digress; first I need to know if anyone is even interested! Want to know how many buttonholes and buttons? Let me put it this way: Take the number of buttons in a gross, and multiply by two.
CHAPPED HANDS My remedy in the past has been to always wear gloves outdoors, never do dishes, and slather lotion on my hands several time a day. I've used hand cream, face cream, wrinkle cream, and whipped cream. I've pretended my digits were cow's udders and dipped them in Bag Balm. I've tried almost every lotion on the market, and, while some are better than others, I can't pet fabric satisfactorily until warm weather returns. Plus it's time consuming and dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten stuck in the bathroom, because my hands were so slippery they couldn't turn the door knob to get out! Thanks to a faithful reader of this newsletter (I accidentally deleted her name, otherwise you would be reading it now) I was introduced to yet another product. I don't mind telling you of my skepticism. Reluctantly, I investigated. Well folks, this stuff works. At least for me and you might want to try it. The product is called Surgeon's Skin Secret and it's the strangest stuff I've ever used, but I can now stroke silk, slide my fingers over satin, and turn my knee-highs right-side-out with ease. First you get your hands wet, then scoop a little of the Surgeon's Skin Secret out of the container and work it into the skin. It has the consistency of soft beeswax. At this point you roll your eyes and wonder what in heaven's name you are getting yourself into because it just sits there on your skin, not mixing at all with the leftover water droplets. After a few moments something happens. I don't know if it's body heat, evaporation, or the precise alignment of the stars and planets, but all of a sudden, the Surgeon's Skin Secret changes consistency and disappears into your skin! At this point there is a definite sensation of having something on your skin, something protective. I had this incredible urge to shovel snow, or go ice fishing. Things were a little "coated" like fingers would feel after applying hand cream, but not greasy. (I had no trouble getting out of the bathroom!) I don't think I would want to play with fabric right away, but I did go immediately to my computer for an e-mail fix. A little too soon perhaps. The keys on my keyboard became quite nicely waxed and so very shiny. (An added benefit?) By the time I stopped laughing, and admiring my face in the well-worn surface of the "A" key, my hands were back to normal. Except that I noticed a marked difference in the texture of my hands. SMOOTH! I used Surgeon's Skin Secret three times the first two days and then twice a day since then---once in the morning and at night before bed. I am amazed. After just 3 applications my fingertips were no longer chapped. My hands were even soft! Yippee! If you want to try Surgeon's Skin Secret, call Jamark Laboratories directly at 1-888-252-6275, M-F from 8:30am to 5:30pm EST to order. Or call QVC at 1-800-345-1515, 24 hours a day, and ask for Surgeon's Skin Secret, Item L80653. Satisfaction is guaranteed.
CHARITY AUCTIONS ON EBAY
To get to the auction (and see a beautiful German Shepherd puppy named
Liesel) log onto this web site: Don't be surprised when 12 different auctions bounce up. They are all the same. You can bid on as many as you like. I just didn't want to do a Dutch Auction as lots of people (including me) aren't very familiar with those. If you're not the auction type and are all plum full up with batting, but feel in a generous mood, you may send me a donation to Leader Dogs for the Blind and I'll add to the pot. (Tax deductible!) They do amazing work. (Send it to: Ami Simms/Mallery Press 4206 Sheraton Drive/Flint, MI 48532) If you include a self-addressed stamped envelope with your donation, I'll send you a photo of our leader dog puppy "in training" as soon as we get him (or her) this summer. We may even be able to work out a "PAWtograph" if the puppy is cooperative!
GREAT WEB PAGES For some fun try this URL: http://www.angelfire.com/nj/AutumnRose523/waterballoon.html I had a good laugh out of it and you might too. (Thanks to scrappersdelight.)
And, then my uncle told me about this site. Do make sure your hair is combed
and you look your best, as this site allows your computer monitor to take
your picture! I know it's amazing, so be sure to try this one out. Evidently
your monitor can discern small electrical impulses and detect bright and dark
areas very close to the screen (1-2 feet). This is still a beta site, and the
image is blurred, but it works !!! Give it a whirl.
FREEBIE
TELEMARKETERS Sue Traudt sent some other things you can do when telemarketers call. 1. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my car won't start..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems. 2. When they identify the company their with, ask them to spell it. Ask them where it is located. (Have them spell that, too!) Continue asking them questions about their company until they give up. 3. When the telemarketer tells you their name cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy (or whatever their name is) a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 4. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number, you will call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up. 5. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 6. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. 7. Tell the telemarketer you don't really live there, you're just robbing the house. 8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...louder... louder... louder...louder 10. Tell them to speak VERY SLOWLY, because you want to WRITE DOWN EVERY WORD they say.
A FUNNY
IT'S AN ODD DAY
WE'RE GROWING!
Have a great quilting day, and a wonderful and joyous Thanksgiving!
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