Ami's AfterChat Newsletter

June 1997

OUR NEXT CHAT
Our Next Chat which would ordinarily be on June 26 has been rescheduled to July 24. You may note that July 24 is actually the 4th Thursday of the month and our normal chat day anyway. Be that as it may, rescheduling is so much nicer than canceling. And besides, I have a very good reason. And I will tell you all about it in the next AfterChat. (This is known as a cliffhanger issue.)

LEAVING FOR LONG ISLAND
For those of you in (on?) Long Island, I hope you get a chance to stop by and say hello at the 16th Annual "Of House And Home" Quilt Show and Conference. I'll be giving two lectures at the Suffolk Community College in Riverhead, NY. I'll probably be on the plane when you read this, so look up and give me a wave, OK?

WORST OF SHOW HAS BEEN CHOSEN
This is just a tease. We've selected the Worst of Show and all the Abominable Mentions and Special Recognition Award Winners from the WORST Quilt In The World Contest. If all goes well, you will be able to see them on the web beginning at 12:01am on July 1, 1997. Here's the address: http://quilt.com/worstquilt

Meanwhile, be sure to get your last votes in for this year's Viewer's Choice. Come early; vote often. Same address.

BIG EXCITEMENT
My big news is the coupon for $2 off on my transfer paper in the June 24 issue of Woman's Day. I haven't seen the magazine yet, but it must be in subscriber's hands this early because we're getting them in the mail. It should be on the news stands any day now.

NEW TAPE
I understand Scotch brand has a double-sided removable/reusable tape. If it really works as well as I've heard, this would be great for sticking photos to plain paper before hitting the color copy machine when you make those photo- transfers. So much nicer than looping regular tape into circles, or trying to pick off the double sided tape.

AMI GOES SHOPPING AGAIN
I was at the office supply store the other day and noticed a display of discontinued office chairs up near the front of the store. I sat down in a few of those sleek 5-wheeled babies and drove them around the checkout area for a while. They go pretty fast on a tile floor. Whooshing in reverse (the easiest way to self-propel) I zoomed around in tasteful figure 8s, turning, rotating, and going up and down with the air lift. I live for thrills. I quit when I accidentally set off the electric eye on the exit door. My luck some other shopper would think I was attempting to make a quick getaway without paying for the chair. (Yeah, like I'd roll right out of the store, grab onto the bumper of a passing car and never be heard from again.)

I went to the back of the store where I could test drive the other models. I found one of those weird looking kneeling chairs that's supposed to be so good for your back because you can't lean back. Makes you sit up nice and straight. Anyway, it was on sale so I bought it. I rationalized my purchase by reminding myself that my office staff grew to four (including me) about a month ago and two of them have no place to sit yet.

Pig that I am, the new chair slid under MY desk and passed my old chair on down. This may not have been the best idea. In order to get on the thing you approach it as you would a horse. From the left. As far as I can figure out, you have to hang on to part of it, swing your right leg up and over and straddle it. The chair did not come with a saddle horn to grab onto during this maneuver, which makes it fairly difficult for decrepit quilters such as myself to "mount" the chair without paying close attention. Once in the straddle position, plopping the rest of the way down (as is my habit on conventional sitting devices) is not advised. I have discovered that one slight miscalculation to the left or to the right and my trusty steed will buck. Not only is the saddle horn missing, but so are the reins. Had my desk not been within reach I would have toppled for sure and been wearing my new chair on my head.

Scooting from place to place is more difficult in the office than it was at OfficeMax because of the carpeting, something they probably didn't install in the furniture department for a reason. Once my legs are in the reverent and kneeling position, the only contact I have with the floor is my toes. Thankfully I have big feet, otherwise I might just as well remove the wheels and nail the chair to the floor. Locomotion by toe power is definitely a skill requiring much practice before great speeds are attained. Every time I move the chair I hear the Fred Flintstone ballerina music. Giddy-Up, Twinkle Toes!

Aside from the fact that I don't see how I can possibly machine quilt with it, and the damp knee sensation when I get out of it, I might just get used to the chair. I'll keep you posted. (But it was such a bargain!)

A FUNNY
Announcements that actually appeared in various church bulletins.

1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2. Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you that have children and don't know it. We have a nursery down stairs.
5. The rose bud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Belzer, the sin of Rev. & Mrs Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday there will be a meeting of the little mothers club. All ladies wishing to be "little mothers" will meet with the pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday , we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little drops of water" one of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of all kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon will be, "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

PAINLESS AFTERCHAT REMOVAL
As always, if you'd rather not receive this newsletter, just say so. (Hit REPLY and type REMOVE.) I'll take you off the list.

Thanks for reading this,
Ami Simms
http://quilt.com/amisimms
Author of a bunch of books, and purveyor of Photos-To-Fabric Transfer Paper.

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