Ami's AfterChat NewsletterJuly 1997Please Note: This newsletter was originally sent on July 16, 1997. It may not have improved with age. Information may be outdated and irrelevant, not to mention useless. It is here only for your enjoyment.
JUST A REMINDER
STRANGE PUNCTUATION
THANKS FOR THE E-MAIL
Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement. You have no idea how much
that helps. I think this time out I was able to be myself a little more. It
is very peculiar being on television. I don't know that I'll ever get used to
it. With live television, there is no chance for messing up. That really puts
the pressure on. Nobody on the set knows anything about quilting. Imagine
talking *quilt* to a room full of people who just don't get it. All those
blank expressions and glassy eyes. With that kind of feedback in any other
situation you would switch subjects in a big hurry and go on to something
else. The only way I could keep going is to know that you were all out there
watching. Uncritically, of course. With cotton in your ears so you didn't hear
my garbled words, and with fabric dust on your glasses so you didn't see my
mistakes. You all were a big help. THANK YOU!!
DID YOU SEE THE SHOW?
After the transportation was arranged, I learned what a *napkin* quilt was
(colorful 20 inch cloth dinner napkins checkerboarded and tied!) and convinced
them that I should actually make a real quilt. I suggested the photo-transfer
log cabin and they were very excited about it. By then the reservations were
already made and there was no changing them. So there I was Thursday morning
at Universal Studios with not a lot to do. The producers thought it would be a
good idea to go on the show Thursday, since I was already there, and talk
about what I would do Friday. Sort of like an Ami commercial. I would do pre-
tapes Thursday afternoon. No problem. I got to see Diane Cannon from about 6
feet away. I didn't get to actually meet her, but I did hear that laugh in
person!!!
So, you saw me on Thursday's show holding up a photo quilt and then also
showing something called a Photo Quilt Block. The log cabin quilt was supposed
to be the major segment and then I would just take about 30 seconds and
quickly show the Photo Quilt Block. A little extra.
After Thursday's show I went out to lunch with the Flea & Tick Lady who was on
the show. (Sorry, can't remember her name right now.) I came back to the set to
do the pre-tape for Friday's show at about 1 pm. I had brought all the props
(partially stitched blocks, cut fabric, sized photo-transfers, photos, the
whole works) for the photo-transfer log cabin quilt and was ready to go. My
producer came in and told me that they had decided to JUNK the photo-quilt and
do the entire segment on the Photo Quilt Block!!!
So there I was with all the supplies for the wrong project! Luckily, I had
over-prepared and brought extra template material , extra fabric and photo-
transfers, etc. and was able to pull together enough things to show the
process. It was a little hairy for a while, but the producer helped me get it
all together. It didn't seem to matter to them that we had advertised one
thing and delivered another. I was told that they would be putting the
directions I wrote for the log cabin quilt on their website, even though I
didn't do that quilt on the air, so if you can't live without it, you can find
it (I hope) at http://www.homeandfamily.com. Sorry about that.
LAST MONTH
As you may have figured out, our globe trotting adventure put me on the other
side of the world during our regular chat time. It was wonderful. (The China
part. As for missing the chat, I was devastated. I missed you all terribly and
cried myself to sleep. Yeah, sure.)
I am hoping to sort through pictures soon and put the entire adventure on the
web for all to see, but little things like catching up with my life back home
seem to have gotten in the way. I will say at the outset, while you're still
harboring tinges of jealousy, that the plane ride was 14 hours. One way. No
stops. Fourteen uninterrupted hours of droning engines and a view of a tall
upholstered chair back. I have never examined fabric more closely. On the
bright side, I still have some of the hearts and gizzards blocks I brought to
hand applique on the plane left to do. When the quilt is finished (need
another long flight) you might be surprised at the outcome. Counting on sleep
deprivation to rob me of any desire to match seams carefully during my sewing
marathon, I decided to adroitly camouflage my sure-to-be mis-matched points
with yo-yos and self-covered buttons. This will changed the name of the quilt
to Hearts, Gizzards, And Kidney Stones.
Anyway, more on that later.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
WEB PAGE UPDATES
NEW LOWER PRICES ON PHOTOS-TO-FABRIC
MORE ABOUT PHOTO QUILT BLOCKS.....
There are five different designs. The kits sell for $11.99 each and come with
a foam core block, into which the pattern has been laser cut. The kit also
contains two sheets of Photos-To-Fabric transfer paper (actually, more than
you need) white 200-threadcount fabric on which to transfer, a plastic viewing
template to size your photograph, and paper pattern to use to cut the fabric
you provide. No special tools are required. All you need is a pair of
scissors, a steak knife (just to pre-cut the corners of the foam block) and a
butter knife to punch the fabric into the pre-cut slots. Best of all, since
there is no sewing (and no gluing) you can switch photo-transfers or switch
fabric at will. One Photo Quilt Block can be changed any number of times for
seasonal decorating, updating children's photos, or to switch fabric just
because. It's really easy to do. Did I mention they make great gifts?
Send me a long self-addressed stamped envelope and I'll send you more
propaganda. The propaganda includes a black and white photocopied picture of
Cristina and I from the show. If you look carefully, you will see me as you
rarely do, with painted lips and other assorted MAKE-UP! They goop that stuff
on with a trowel! I almost didn't know who I was.
PHOTO QUILT BLOCKS
ITALY TRIP UPDATE
A FUNNY
The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in
a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707
after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should
have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs.
Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several
annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad
yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale R.D. Jones has one
sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs.
Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it.
Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been
carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she
quit!
AND, ANOTHER FUNNY. (I just couldn't resist....)
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the
bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The
bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says
to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root
canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?",
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always
have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of
the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of
hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with
hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time,
took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He
came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the
other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man
reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers
digest and writers cramp.
Thanks again for all your support. It really means a lot.
See you next time,
Ami Simms
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