Ami's AfterChat NewsletterAugust 1999Please Note: This newsletter was originally sent on August 16, 1999. It may not have improved with age. Information may be outdated and irrelevant, not to mention useless. It is here only for your enjoyment.
WELCOME
REMEMBER
BUG CATCHER The day it came I charged it up but couldn't find a single bug. Figures. Not even an old dead bug carcass. Evidently, just the sight of the thing scares bugs out of your house. I revved it up and brandished it threateningly several times at the back door, and we were bug free for another 3 days. Imagine my dismay. Then our luck changed. The next morning I sucked up two earwigs, a spider and a fly, laughing maniacally each time. OK, so the spider wasn't one of those jumping kind and may have been on it's way to a coma just by walking on the wall after so many years of Steve saturating them with bug spray. He didn't even put up a fight. Earwigs are rather stupid and slow moving, so that was hardly a challenge. But the fly was a sight to behold. It was not one of those porker varieties, who flap their wings 4 times and have to sit and rest for half an hour. No, this was a sleek, fast, mean-spirited fly, the kind that wants to make a landing pad on your head just to taunt you. The kind you chase from room to room with a fly swatter, connecting with nothing but air. He was the kind of fly who could read your mind. The kind that lands on your favorite nick knack because he knows you won't swing. The kind that pretends he wants to get out the window just so you'll try to smack him, then takes off at the last nano second in some impossible direction at light speed leaving you with your arm halfway through the screen. He was, however, no match for me! Following package directions, I simply turned on the Bug Catcher a few feet away, whistled a happy tune, looked discreetly in the other direction, lined him up on the cross hairs and unleashed the lethal death rays. Not really. I just turned the thing on, came at him kind of slow and he was sucked into oblivion. I can't tell you what a feeling of power this gives me. I am fearless. I am thinking of making a quilted holster for it. Want a Bug Catcher of your own? Email Ben at bugrackit@colfax.com or call 1-800-899-0009 for more information. Or drop them line at:
Insect Aside
QUILTING FOOD I acted like a grownup and had the teeth filled a week ago. I enjoyed the laughing gas immensely, not so much the Novocain. I acted like the responsible adult I can pretend to be and neither whimpered nor bit his finger. As soon as I got to the car I stared for many long times in the rear view mirror at my bright, shiny new fillings from as many angles as I could comfortably turn my head. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times practicing not to get my cheek in between my teeth, started the car and drove home. I got much sympathy from my employees. They know what a wimp I really am. I was having a jolly time. For the first couple of hours it was fun talking like the Godfather. My cheek felt goofy, I could only smile halfway, my tongue didn't taste, and things I tried to put in my mouth just fell out. Then I got hungry. And then the Novocain wore off. Well friends, it's been a week and it's getting a little old. All my chewing is on the "other side" and I am building up such strong muscles over there that I'm sure my face will now be visibly lop-sided. Meals are even slower than usual and my tooth hurts for hours afterwards. My jaw is continually sore. It feels like he hung a featherweight off my lower lip to keep my mouth open during the filling fest. Did I mention I think my ear hurts too? And my arm pit. In fact, when I get to thinking about it, everything on my whole right side bothers me. Mostly I'm thinking of not eating, and thinking of not eating just makes me hungry. I quilted for a couple of hours last night and couldn't indulge in any culinary diversions. Now that I'm writing this, I still can't, so I might just as well offer my advice so that YOU can do what I CAN'T! These recommendations lend themselves more to hand quilting than machine quilting. Working on the machine leaves little space for munchies, and it's so darn quick you just don't build up the appetite. So, imagine you're hand quilting. On a frame. Those are much like tables after all, and I prefer working in a frame for that very reason. Small snack bowls can be set on top and still leave plenty of elbow room. And what to put in those bowls? Basically anything that can be eaten without using your fingers, because licking them afterwards just takes too long. Instead, learn to get the food from the bowl to your mouth with the end of your tongue. Stick it out as far as you can, lean over the bowl, and bring whatever sticks to your tongue up and in. Lightweight snacks, like pop corn and most breakfast cereals are easiest. Peanuts are a little harder. Aim for the ones already in half so you get more suction on the flat side. With practice I've even learned to get M&Ms into my mouth, as long as I don't try to root around for the red ones. Whatever you put in the bowl, pour in just enough for you. It's not like anyone is going to want to share .
ROTARY CUTTERS For some history on rotary cutters check out this month's issue of Quilter's Newsletter Magazine for Marti Michell's article Rotary Revolution on page 66. (Issue #315)
INTERNATIONAL BLOCK EXCHANGE Look fast. Only 30 participants can sign up and they request a minimum of 3 years quilting experience.
SO TRUE
THE ON-GOING GARAGE SALE If you want to check in, I've got quilt batting samples from my workshops (41 different kinds) and bearding samples (see what happens when you wash those same 41 batts) and some cool fabric from my mother. http://cgi3.ebay. com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?MfcISAPICommand=ViewListedItems&userid=amisimms@aol.c om&include=0&since=-1&sort=2&rows=25 I recently found a particularly annoying feature they have on eBay. You can ask them to notify you if the particular something you want to buy is put up for auction. They'll do it daily. Naturally I signed up. Twice. (I don't get enough mail.) Every morning I get a list of things made out of TENCEL, my favorite fiber, and a list of double wedding ring quilts. It is such a happy moment when my personal shopper arrives in my mailbox that I stop everything and go check out the new additions to the TENCEL and the DWR categories. I've got a great system. I dutifully bookmark the pages and then forget to come back and bid before the auction closes. I can't tell you how many adorable outfits and wonderful quilts I've missed out on. Then there are the auctions I force myself to bid on, knowing that if I don't, I'll forget to come back. You can tell eBay the highest price you'll pay, and then you go about your life while eBay electronically bids on whatever you want until it reaches that limit. eBay emails you if somebody outbids you, which has been my rotten luck on every single auction I've tried This is why I haven't been able to get any double wedding ring quilts for $27.50 yet! One of my favorite pastimes is to do an eBay search. I type the word "QUILT" and wondrous things appear. They are all listed in order of when the auction ends. The first few items listed have only minutes left before the auction closes. This is living on the edge. You sometimes have to make your decision in seconds. Hesitate and, well, there are about 50 more to chose from! I've also learned how to "window shop." It's FREE! All those double wedding rings I'm too cheap to buy? I copy the pictures of the ones with the fabulous colors, or the unusual quilting motifs and put them in my photo program. I can look at my photo album for or run them as a screen saver any time I feel like I've missed out. They'll be wonderful inspiration some day.
GIGGLE HERE An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So he ambled over and kicked it clean across the river. "What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe. "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago." "Wow! What a memory," commented the giraffe. "Yes," said the elephant... "turtle recall."
SEE YOU NEXT TIME
Ami Simms
Remember the date at the beginning of this newsletter? It's an old one. To receive a new one the next time Ami writes one, please get on the mailing list |