Ami's AfterChat Newsletter

August 1997

WHAT'S IN A NAME?
In addition to the handful of e-mails from eager readers reminding me that I haven't yet sent this missive, I had one "heckler" (VBG) ask why it is called the AFTERCHAT Newsletter. Kind of a dumb name. Well, historically speaking, it made a lot of sense. At one time. When I first started hosting the chats on AOL, I'd write the AfterChat right after the chat so that I could answer any questions that came up in the chat but that I couldn't get to on-line. Like phone numbers and questions I didn't know the answers to right off the top of my head. A week or so before the next chat I actually wrote a SECOND newsletter reminding everyone to come to the chat room on the right day at the right time. That was called the, get this....BEFORE CHAT. This was way back in the beginning when only 4 people actually attended the chat and there were 16 people who received the newsletter. Now, in my enlightened state, I only write ONE newsletter and it's called the AfterChat. Sort of like AfterGlow. Please e-mail me with an alternative name and if I like it, we'll change names. The ball's in your court.

REMINDER
Speaking of reminding, the next chat in the AOL chat room is at 9 pm EST on Thursday. Let's not even mention the date (August 28) because half of the time I put down the date I get it wrong. (Remember last month?) If you're wondering, it's the FOURTH THURSDAY OF EVERY MONTH, unless I'm out of town teaching or having Thanksgiving dinner. And anyone not on AOL (almost 1,000 of you are reading this right now and couldn't give a rip) can't join the chat anyway. So either sign up for AOL, or give me a good name for the newsletter. The challenge has been issued.

SPEAKING OF NEXT TIME
And no, I really wasn't, but I will now.....I won't be in the chat room the fourth Thursday of September because I'll be leading a group of American quilters on a dream trip to Italy. Come chat night just think of me in Florence nibbling on tortelini in cream sauce... or maybe a nice pizza. Some ice cream. I shall raise my glass of aqua minerale to you all in a toast of fond remembrance.

AND THE NEXT TIME....
On the fourth Thursday of October I'll be in Houston at Quilt Festival helping out in David Small's booth. Come by and say hello. Come 9 pm EST I will rush back to my room and do that chat from there. If I remember. (Will somebody please send ME a reminder?!)

NEW TOY
Yes, I'll be able to join in the chat with my new laptop. I just got a Toshiba Libretto which is just about the smallest laptop I've ever seen. It's weighs just under 2 pounds and has iddy bitty keys. I can just touch type on it, provided my nails don't grow any longer. I also have to squeeze both legs together, purse my lips and tuck my elbows in, but I'm getting used to it. I hope to get even more practice if I can learn to tear it out of my 13-year- olds hot little hands.

I bought it because I had to write a couple of articles (one for The Professional Quilter and the other for Quilting Today) and had no time to do it at home because of my travel schedule. So I figured if I had a little portable, I could do it on the road. Worked out great.

Actually, I'm writing this on the Libretto right now, sitting in the living room Sunday night watching TV with my family (another plus). There is an external floppy drive, and a data port, but techno wizard that I am, I found the easiest way is to just email it to myself, and then put the final touches on it using the big computer in the office and then just send it out.

CHATTANOOGA
I probably didn't get all the double letters in there, but that's where I got to visit and teach last month. What a fantastic time I had. I got to be the lecturer for the Tennessee Valley Quilting Association Assembly Day. I really enjoyed my time with these talented quilters.

One of the highlights of my stay was getting to meet both last year's and this year's Grand Prize Winners of the Worst Quilt In The World Contest. The three of us were together on the dais at the conclusion of the guilds own ugly quilt contest. We passed the paper sack from the head of the 1996 winner to the head of the 1997 winner.

A special moment.

If you'd like to see pictures from my trip to Chattanooga, you can see pictures of my presentation at http://www.knoxgroup.com/crazyquilters/assem1.htm.

SPECIAL THANKS
Hats off to David Small who volunteered to teach me CorelDraw as I prepare to write my next book, Fun Photo-Quilts & Crafts. David and I have been e-mailing for several years now and he came to stay with Steve, Jennie and I for a few days to give aid to the computer-impaired. ME!

I'm expecting the book to be ready for publication some time early in 1998. Don't worry, I'll let you all know about it. In fact, you'll get the advance notice here first.

ANIMAL WONDERLAND
We're sure getting our share of critters these days. Although we live right off the freeway in a very urban setting, we've gotten quite a show in the back yard recently. The deer population must be at an all time high, as we have been visited several times by a Mama deer and her two young whatevers. (Fawns?) Anyway, there they were out back by the apple tree not more than 50 yards away. When they wandered in we drop everything and stare out the window. They have us pretty well trained now.

We were also visited by a little red fox who sauntered by the picture window and gave us the once over. I'm expecting the raccoons and the possum to come by any time.

For years we've had a ground hog (woodchuck) living out by the back fence and suspected another family under the deck. We didn't particularly mind that they raided the compost pile, but got a little alarmed when they brought their black and white friends---the skunks! When we saw the skunks wandering over to the deck to check out the accommodations we called the Critter Control and now are the proud renters of a Have-A-Heart trap.

The first day we caught two squirrels and a morning dove. We let them go and changed bait. Over the next several days we caught SEVEN ground hogs, but no skunks. They seemed to have disappeared. (We told all the locals that we were releasing them at the golf course, but we found several acres of deserted land out by a creek about 8 miles away for their new home.)

I say "we" but trapping live animals is a man's job. (Oink, oink.) I let Steve have all the fun. When I was sure the wild animals were safe in the trap, I went in for a closer look.

When Steve was sure the ground hogs were all caught, he put cement all the way around the deck and sealed off the entrance to the Wood Chuck Hilton. We are hoping that the skunks just checked out when their playmates vanished. We should know in about a week....

SMELLY SHOES
Do you get those catalogs in the mail for strange clothes? I do and I love them. I rarely buy anything, but I love getting the catalogs, especially the ones where every second thing is made out of hand-dyed hemp, or chewed leather, or some other exotic fabric made out of wood pulp or artichoke leaves. The clothes always cost a fortune, but they look so nice in the color photos.

Anyway, my good judgment got away from me and I fell victim to the ad copy for a pair of three tone leather shoes. The price wasn't that awful, (if I buy only one pair of shoes before now and retirement) and they looked kind of "quilty" for shoes. So I ordered them. They stink. Literally. Not only are they ugly in person (unlike the nice ladies in the catalog, I have BIG feet) but they smell like vanilla. I called the company. They said the soles of the shoes are supposed to smell like vanilla. I asked if I could trade them in for a chocolate pair. No dice. I'm sending them back. I don't want my feet to smell like food. What do you think? Good move or big mistake. I want to hear from you. Especially if you wear a 9 1/2 or bigger.

PHOTO QUILTS ON TV
My segment of "Simply Quilts" is going to be re-run (re-ranned?) on TUESDAY, so if you get HGTV please tune in and wave. (Call 1-800-448-8275 to check times in your area. If you miss it on Tuesday, they will be showing it again on Saturday. You can find information and supplies at my web site. http://quilt.com/amisimms Or, call me at 1-800-278-4824.

INTERESTING WEB SITE
If you'd like to check out an interesting web page with mystery quilt patterns, pictures of quilts, and free patterns, check out Jo and Jos Hindriks (the Dutch Quilting Couple living in America) at http://www.erols.com/qdutch

FUNNY
If you want a good laugh, thank Julie who shared the following funny letters to Dear Abby with me some months ago...

DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? CURIOUS

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.

...I have a man I never could trust. Why does he cheat so much? I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

...I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

...I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

...Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?

...Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

...I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

...My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

...I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

...Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.

...My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

...I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.

... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

...This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said, "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? GERTIE

DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day. FORTY YEARS HITCHED

DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? CAROL

DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? JAKE

DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? SAM IN CA.

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you"? RITA

DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. ROSE

DEAR ROSE: So would I.

DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and Day.

CHANGES? REMOVAL? >BR> Please keep me current on your screen name changes so that I can get this newsletter to you more efficiently. And, if you ever want to be removed, just let me know. I'll get over it.

Thanks for reading, now go pick up a needle and sew something,

Ami
http://quilt.com/amisimms

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