Ami's AfterChat Newsletter

April 1997

HOLY SOCKS!
The audience for this AfterChat is growing by leaps and bounds! There are over 1,300 quilters on my AfterChat Newsletter list. (Please, don't all of you hit REPLY at once!) As always, feel free to forward this to anyone who would like a copy. If you know of anyone who would like to receive their own personalized copy (directly from me, without the forward) please have them e-mail me and request it. Some of you have requested that I send copies to others. I would prefer that you don't do this in the future. It's better if the person who will actually receive the newsletter is the one who requests it. I'm sure to get the e-mail address correct that way. And, I don't want anyone to think they're getting unsolicited e-mail from me. As always if you'd rather not receive this newsletter anymore, just let me know and I'll take you off the list.

DON'T FORGET
Our next chat will be on Thursday, April 24, 1997 at 9 pm EST in the quilters' chat room at the quilters' forum at AOL. (Keyword: QUILTERS, then click on the chat room.) Come one, come all.

OPRAH UPDATE
I want to thank everyone who took the time to e-mail or write to Oprah. I think they need a couple thousand more letters before they notice us quilters, so feel free to write again. And again. And again.

(Oprah@oprahwinfrey.com and oprah@aol.com and/or "The Oprah Winfrey Show"/PO Box 909715/Chicago, IL 60690----Feature photo-transfer quilts, maybe get that Simms woman on your show....etc., etc, etc.) I sent off a little mini-quilt on March 31. I'll let you know if I hear anything. Very special thanks to Becky Weimer and Maureen Mack for sending Oprah pictures for me to use in the quilt.

WORST QUILT IN THE WORLD CONTEST
Dilly-dally no longer. The contest deadline for entries is May 1, 1997. That's right around the corner. If you've ever thought of entering, do so. This will be the last year for the contest. As further incentive, the tip from the top is that entries are DOWN. Your chance of winning has never been better. (Get the hint?) Good, then get your entry form off the net at: http://quilt.com/worstquilt and follow the prompts.

ROMAN HOLIDAY
My home page has a new addition to it---our vacation to Rome in December. It's now up and running. Punch in http://quilt.com/AmisRomanHoliday to see what I did over Christmas vacation. Or just stop by to see me using the famous European Foot Soaker. That URL will get you there immediately. If you'd like to get there by way of the regular web page, the address is: http://quilt.com/amisimms

AMI'S QUILTER'S TOUR TO ITALY
If you'd like to come to Italy with me and a bunch of other quilters (September 22 to October 1, 1997) send me an e-mail with your snail mail address and I'll send you a brochure as soon as they're back from the printer. We plan on hitting all the hot spots, including Venice, Florence, Assisi, Pisa, and Rome. It's also very likely that we will get a chance to visit with Italian quilters in several cities. The details are being finalized now. (e- mail: amisimms@aol.com Put ITALY in the subject line. It might take a while for a reply, I'm working on an e-mail version of the "propaganda" too.)

CAN I RAID YOUR STASH?
I know this is a little presumptuous, but I'm in a real fix. I'm about to start on a Double Wedding Ring in NON-traditional colors: purple, yellow, orange, and green. All clear colors with a lot of punch. I'm having a heck of a time finding enough purples and greens. (I'm all set on the oranges and yellows as I've been collecting those for years.) I'm looking for prints or solids, 100% cotton, as many different fabrics as I can get my hands on. The wilder, the better. I need these colors (or close):

******This green. If you have the newest version of AOL and can change the color of your type and the backgrounds of your e-mail, the green I need is the one in the third column from the left, fourth one down, or the color of the background of this paragraph. If you're not on AOL, it's Crayola's GREEN.******

******This purple. On the AOL color chart, it's the last column on the right, fifth one down, right above the white, or Crayola's ROYAL PURPLE. (I tried to turn the background of this paragraph that color, but the silly thing came out blue! Just look at the box. That's the color.

If you've got a fat quarter you can spare, please send it to me some time in the next week.
Ami Simms
4206 Sheraton Drive
Flint, MI 48532-3557

I'll send you a post card good for $2.00 off your next order of Photos-To- Fabric transfer paper if you order from me, along with my eternal gratitude.

I'm working on a new workshop (maybe a pattern) because I think I just thunk up a new (and FAST) way to do a Double Wedding Ring, the squooshed kind (more character) not the round kind. Oh, boy! When I get the quilt done, I'll put it on the web page so you can all take a look.

A GREAT DEAL
Anyone who wears eyeglasses (or even sun glasses) might want to visit their local Wal-Mart. It seems they sell eyeglass cleaner in a little yellow bottle for $2.09 and get this: YOU CAN GET FREE REFILLS! What a deal.

WEB PAGE OF THE MONTH
If you're looking for unusual quilts and want to see what "thread painting" is all about, visit Ellen Anne Eddy's incredible quilts and something she calls Thread Magic at this URL: http://members.aol.com/elleneddy/index.htm.

TEACHING TRIPS I just got back on Friday from a fun visit with the Baltimore Heritage Quilters, The Friendship Quilters, and the Eternal Quilters all in and around Baltimore, Maryland. What a great time! I got to present three lectures and a workshop. In between times I managed a shopping spree at the Seminole Sampler (WOW!!!) and ate delicious crab cakes. With chocolate frosting. (Just kidding.) I'll be in Ithaca, New York on April 25 and 26 with the Tompkins County Quilt Guild. If you're in the neighborhood, come on over and say hi.

If you'd ever like to know where I'll be in 1997 just check out my itinerary on my web page: http://quilt.com/amisimms.

FUNNY Thanks to all the kind hearted souls who send me funny things from their e- mail. This one came through a few weeks ago from several different sources and I really enjoyed it. Thought you would too.

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

Duplos will not

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

Ditto Tarzan.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

It will however make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.

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Yet another call to round up the usual SUSPECTS. Feel free to forward but do not remove this trailer. For subscription information, send e-mail to suspects-l-request@netcom.com with the word INFO in the Subject line. SUSPECTS is a non-profit service and does not own rights to most material. Original author/sender credited if known. Comments/submissions welcome.

AND, JUST BECAUSE THIS ONE TICKLED MY FANCY THIS MORNING

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

REMOVE ME
If you ever change your internet service provider, change your screen name, or just don't want to receive this newsletter anymore, please just drop me an e- mail and I'll be happy to take you off the list. Ami Simms
http://quilt.com/amisimms

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